A Beginner’s Guide to Polish Weddings

  • All the English music is at least 20 years old. The most recent song the band played was “La Vida Loca”. I KNOW. And the rest of the music? It’s is disco polo. What is disco polo, you ask? This is disco polo:
  • There is TONS of food. They just keep bringing out course after course, even when no one is  interested in eating any more. There is also an open kiełbasa bar at all times, with at least 10 varieties of sausages and a giant ham, in case you get a pork craving, God forbid, and the meat on the table isn’t enough.
  • You know in a movie where they are filming a large group dancing and there’s clearly no music playing at the time of filming because everyone is off beat? That’s what Polish people look like when they dance.
  • Polish people love their vodka. Everyone is drunk, and everyone stays up until 5 am. Even the old people. As someone whose mother complains if she has to stay awake past 10 pm, this is mind-blowing.
  • Even if their English isn’t very good, everyone there will do their damned best to understand you when you speak English, and will be very considerate and not laugh at your drunk toddler Polish.
  • The bride, who has never met you before and only speaks stilted English, might see you and remember that you are that American who came to her wedding and insist you drink some of the Polish moonshine vodka with her, which you do, because it’s her wedding and she’s the boss.
Not the bride, but my friend who brought me to the wedding

6 Replies to “A Beginner’s Guide to Polish Weddings”

  1. I understand, that wedding in Poland can be extremely hard experience! But, first of all, let me say, that we are in our own country and, you are a guest here,.. You was a guest at the wedding party, you was allowed to eat with them and to drink with them, so I think this unfair, that you are criticizing them. In Poland, if you are a guest, this is very unpolite to talk bad opinions after that. Why are you worse, that they were drinking alcohol? See your site title -and you are a kid’s teacher, they were at the party! If they haad been speaking English to you, it means, that they were happy you are there and they wanted to show you respect… Why you are worse, that their English is not excellent??? This is going too far! Remember, Poland has very painful history, we are often under siege and if we cannot speak a perfect Russian or German we were treated as a slaves? Are you treat us like a slaves or worsen people, because of same English mistakes? This is plain insulting for them. You are the luck you are English native speaker, but the US, with all my respect, this is nothing better than Poland. And, I mention again, we are In Poland. Try to speak Polish fast, while you are drunk – do you want any Pole to laugh from you? This is very offending in Poland if you are criticize how we speak English. You, Americans, are not the educators of the rest of the world. If you will act like this, one day you will lost everything, I guess. This is si sad, I don’t want to follow you more!!!


  2. Yikes! Something got lost in the translation here. @kokodynia, please know that there’s affection behind the humor. At least that’s my take. I would only write about something or someone I care about.


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